the war...unkown

In this time of hatred and pain
Where love is only with the flame
Where do we stay?
Shud we be awake or just sleep
because deep within,
There is no place to grin.

I understand the reasons are many
But is there a reason for such ignominy
I think I can feel the shame
That you might say is not the same.

Deep down inside my heart
I say
Will you hold my hand
And make the way
For us to let the pain
Dry away and heed the way

Someday or sometime
Someway or for a while
Lets just find a way
out of this disarray.

In this time or lets say today
When the whole world is away from being gay,
When all that infiltrates is blood
Of the fellows whom we loved.

Is this just a sign ?
Or are we waiting for time
To end.
Or are we just heading to an end
In this war in the name of god
Or are we just praying on each one of us…

the lost....

I think I am in love

Everytime I close my eyes….

Every blink gets me that much drugged

I don’t even know how far or close you are

Yet you teach me how to live

you give me hope though I can’t believe

And I think I see you sometimes….

when I am driving

I think you give me a smile…

And just then I am feeling fine.

Is this love?

Or is this hope?

Is this emptiness

That’s not filling up…

Is this a cry?

Or is this just a try?

Is this fate

With no destiny inside…

I think I feel pain

From all the lies I say…

I feel so covered

In nothing at all…

Still waiting to reach the horizon,

That just moves further away

Everytime i watch the sun....

Is it me really?

Or is it my reflection?

Is it the scars

That are so many that they become me....

Is it the time?

Or is it ever going to be mine?

Is it just different colours

That paint me into so many emotions....

how was your exam?

the irony of this question is something that i never understand....so well u've obviosly stayed up all nite in the hope that you finish the course once forget even goin thru everything again...anyhow so you fight your way thru the exam...hmm...so finally the battle is over...or is that so? so as i talk to my other friends n well it was bad after all...just then i feel...damn i should've studied a bit more...so with a sour heart i start moving towards my place...i turn on my cell!!! i recieve a few msgs...they r like u have 3 or 4 missed calls....i know who it is...damn i need sleep...damn my exam is stil not over...n just then d fone rings...hmm...well on the screen it reads DAD...so well y should i be scared of DAD...its not as though he'll shout or possibly come out of d fone n grab u by ure coller n bash u up...anywaz so this is a general conversation with my dad after an exam...

me:Hi...(my voice a little trembling here)

dad: hi beta...how was ure exam?(the bomb...)

i need 2 b quick yet not very true nor very wrong....hard to do one mite think...

me: umm...well it was ok...

dad: umm...so r u passing?(damn that was a little too harsh and blunt)

me: umm...yes of course(not sure at all though)...its just that made a few calculation mistakes...

rite here i just know what is up for me....since i was a kid i have heard this statement with certain minor variations in tones and intensities...

dad: thats always your problem...never thorough with ure studies...what did u do all this while...you had so much time...but u have to spend time with ure friends, download music and movies....i am sure if this was a movie you would'nt have made any mistakes with the dialogue...

my face although dark does turn red....i have heard this a billion times...i just hope he would change his dialogue...after all its not a movie where the dialogue remains the same...anyhow no point on fighting back...the lecture would only move into a dimension that would certainly leave me bashed up to an extent that even an ant would be able to bash me up....

dad(still continuing): so how much are u getting?(goes in the same breath...just that the voice is a little lowered)

what was worse i am thinking here...

me: don't know have'nt yet calculated...(smart huh!!!)

dad: still 40%,50%,60%....how much?(ah! 40%,50%,60%....thats a rising tone i can add it to some symphony rite now, this entire convo will make a symphony that even mozart won't be able to match)

me: umm...60% toh i will get...(suddenly i want to go back n check my paper)

dad: alright...when is your next exam?

me:the day-after....(almost reached the boundry line now)

dad: ok...go home and study properly beta...i don't want to hear such excuses again...(that was a caring satatement...a lil too late...hmm...)

me: ya...ok...

dad: ok bye...

me: bye...(uff....i feel the air around lighten up now...my brain n heart seem to relax....)

n finally my exam is over....!!!

the so called walk

So me and my frend go for our walk. Like everyday, i rush frm my practs 2 his place...stinking of chemicals.I reach his place,n there is the “wwwwhtttt up?” greeting and then v have a laugh over it. I throw my bag on his bed while he resorts to checking his online game. He has a bottle of water ready for me. V quickly discuss sum things and he sprays sum deo and v r off 4 our walk. I must put it in quotes “the walk” coz basically its just a “chill-out walk” its understandable wen d purpose of d walk is found out. On the way he wud tell me abt sum story tht wud hav happened during d day. It must b sum minor thing tht his ticking brain sees a life threatening situation. On the way v check a few girls out discussing the kinda girl d passer by girl wud b. Its amazing actually how 2 ppl can make conversations out of nothing. Now tht v've walked so many times there is this dog that v c everyday at around this time laying on the middle of the road. i remem this 1 day wen v saw it crossing d road wen a car almost ran over. It had seen death frm close quarters. V wud continue our coversation where in he wud ask me 4 an advice n like always i wud give him an advice such that i cud make fun of him. I must say the walk is not fun 4 me coz i wud've spent abt 4 hrs standing in d lab anyhow. wht i wud've done wud b irrespective. so finally v reach our destination. the cigarette shop. he ask 4 our cigs n walk to the side. the 1st few drags r nice. it hits us both as v continue our conversation which now wud b serious but then its d market place d gud looking girls keep inturrupting our conversation. V'd b done n now wud b d wry time. both of us wud smell our fingers n clothes not really getting much smell but then v need 2 go back at his place his mom wud surely figure it out. so on out way v pay a visit to d temple. v call it d place 2 wash off our sins. hehehe...basically there is a tap at d temple n v go there 2 wash our hands. n everyday v c dis old uncle lying on a "khaat"...he looks very frail...his mouth open toothless 1 or 2 flies swirling around...he seems to be just unaware....!!!d world around him seemed to have no effect on is apparent sleep.........