Can I....

I wake up not knowing what I see is true.....I wake up not knowing if what I am seeing is true...I wake up not wanting to see whats true.....

I fear to fail but then its better to fail than not try at all....I fear to love but its better than lying about that love...I fear to kiss and yes I fear to touch....I fear to face the light but can't stay in the dark...I want to speak and say so many things but I can't hurt someone....Is it fair to want to make everyone happy or just selfishly stare at yourself and briefly think about that one moment to which you belonged to and not find it....You set out to make a move towards happiness every morning you wake up....yet every moment of sadness pulls you down...you set out to make a point and yet you end up covering it and shielding it safely behind a veil....Do you sometimes feel that summers should be followed by a new season or are you satisfied with the everyday...I am not crying from the outside but within I am flooded by tears and upon asking myself I know I don't even have a reason...So do I really need a reason to cry or love or kiss or touch...Is it fair to think of the touch of those cold, tender and soft lips upon me or is that being sexed up....

I know I would want to go out and change the world someday make it a better place for everyone...Make the unhappy realize that there really were bigger challenges that were won sometime and really unhappiness is just a mental block...Can I go out and say that you were wrong when you stopped me from taking my stand? Can I tell the world I love the few people to whom I mean the world even though I still lie? Can I separate the notes in a symphony and explain Mozart's genius..Can I take music in my hands and feel the words flow through my palms and Can I hold and instrument and play the perfect note in the perfect melody yet not be the greatest star....Can I look into your eyes perfectly saying the most beautiful lines to make you love me forever or can I just look straight at you and say I want to have sex with you....Can I for once just tell you that I don't feel the love anymore....Can I...hmm...Can I just be by myself to become how I was when I was an infant, crystal and clear with no mental degradation...Just look at science in the perfect way to change it in a little way by making it better in no way but my way...Can I...Can I love this world the way it is and then turn it on its head to hate it as well...so that someone somewhere unhappy also loves the world my way...Can I...Just Can I...........